I wanted to share this letter that my daughter wrote to me last week. It had been a tough day and I was just plain tired of the kids arguing, being mean to each other, and not getting along. I got so frustrated that I just threw my hands up and started crying.
In response, my daughter quickly came over, gave me a hug, apologized and then retreated to her room. I soon discovered that she had disappeared to write this note. FYI: The boys did follow suit with the hugs and apologies, but quickly went back to playing (and arguing).
It reads…and I quote:
Mom I want you to peace stop crying. I am sad when you cry. I want to be happy and I want you to be happy to. I love you
(She made the “I love you” pop up on the card…hence the shadows.)
Okay, so after reading that, I started crying even more! I know I can’t possibly be the only one, but please reassure me ladies…am I the only mom who has to deal with their kids bickering and arguing? I guess what I should really ask is am I the only one who responds to it by crying?!?!?!
In hindsight, I guess it sounds kind of funny, maybe even silly, but the truth is that we all know parenting is not an easy job! It takes lots of hard work and effort! Proverbs 22:6 reminds us to:
Train up a child in the way he should go,
Even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6
The indent reminded me that rather than yelling at the kids (or even just crying), I need to remember to bring it back to the Word and show the kids how their actions line up (or don’t line up) with what God says!
So often it seems easier to just respond in the flesh, but I know that at the end of the day I want to train my kids to obedience according to God’s Word…not according to “because I said so.” (I won’t always be there when they need to make a choice between right and wrong…but God will!!!!)
All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching,
for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness;
that the man of God may be adequate,
equipped for every good work.
2 Timothy 3:16-17
With all that said, I hope to be more prepared when such situations arise. Rather that yelling or crying, I can quote the Word and let THAT convict their hearts and bring them to the obedience of Christ!!
So, I have pulled out Creative Correction which has a great toolbox of Scriptures to use. I like it because the scriptures are already divided into categories based on the various different offenses. My plan is to have these ready to aim and fire the next time I have issues with the kids not getting along!!! I am trusting that God’s Word will not return void!!!! 🙂
“Mama & Me” Journal [with FREE printable labels]
Mama Jenn
Thank you so much for the encouragement April!!
April Young
This is beautiful Jenn that your daughter looked out for your feelings, and she was showing you how much she loves you. I go through the same thing many times so never think you are alone, you know God is ALWAYS with you in the midst of these times. Stay Strong and lean on him:)
richdavis1
Mama Jenn
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your stuggle…”God gives grace to the humble”…expect Him to move for/with you in your need. But my experience has been that it won’t be in a way that I am looking for or expect!
It’s very special that your daughter made such deliberate caring choices ..first she told you verbally…then she hugged you (showed you)….then she wrote you and even took the writing to the next level by making a card that had a “pop up” for the core message she wanted you to “get” from her. That is sooooo cool!
Really…I don’t know how many more ways she could have said this message to you than the ways she did. Man….wow.
I made a card for a great aunt (Myrd) that I wanted her to know that I loved and appreciated her. This was an epiphany moment for me to be able to look out beyond myself and see her great value enough that I would take action and make the card. I was around 17. I don’t even remember what I said to her….and forgot that I even had given her the note. Til many years later after she died, the family was going through her things and found a “special box” she kept a few things that meant alot to her. There was my card.
Perhaps you should put that card somewhere special….
Today while leaving the post office in my car, the Spirit impressed this phrase on my heart and I pass it on to you…”Pioneer something only you can do.” (I think daughter did this beautifully for you!)
Head up, now…walk on (with Jesus)…He’s with you!
Heather
This reminds me of a memory I have of my mother. The three of us had been bickering and [intentionally] pushing her buttons. She responded by losing her temper and then dissolving into tears. We saw her run to her room. Immediately, I was convicted of my behavior and tiptoed after her. I was in awe when I found her on the other side of her bed, still crying, but pouring over verses that she had written down on notecards. Seeing her repent for losing her temper (even though we had pushed her to it) and turning to scripture and prayer had a powerful impact on us.
You are so right. Scripture is so powerful when applied in our lives, both when used to encourage and instruct our children and when we ourselves apply it too.
Take heart. It happens to all of us and God can use even that in both our lives and the lives of our children.
Heather
http://cultivatedlives.blogspot.com
JavaMama
That is so sweet! And I especially love the pop-up feature….classic. I am actually relieved to hear that every day is not perfect for the wonderful mom-bloggers I follow! That disclosure in itself is going to help me on long afternoons!
Coby
I found myself crying a couple of days ago out of frustration. My 3 year-old twins were arguing, the baby was complaining, and all this stuff seemed to be happening at once. For me, the frustration was also due to the fact that I had an “agenda,” and the bickering and complaining were ruining my agenda for the day! I heard God whisper to my heart that I need to learn to roll with it a little better and drop my agenda for His. 😉 Thank you for sharing this. I thought I was the only one…
Carisa
Jenn, I am crying toDAY. There is just so much going on and the kid-stuff (arguing, fighting, complaining, nagging, whining} is just to much. I too began to cry and PacMan also wrote me a note similar to the one you shared. I had a feeling today and even said, I can’t do this. How crazy was I to think I could. Truth is-God knows I can and even thought I don’t feel mentally better yet, I know I must cling to that truth.
Love you friend, and praying for us both.
Anonymous
I always wanted children but that was for me, when they are fighting I feel bad sometimes they got me for a Mom when I feel Im out of my element messing things up! Then I get a grip and know God will succeed where I fail! He always fills in the gap so even when you think I’ve ruined the kids His word prevails! I think kids fighting can be a lesson for parents! And my kids always are sorry when they see Ive been upset by their actions. I do apoligize to my kids when I dont react appropriatly! Thanks for your honesty
Airamty
Her letter is so sweet! And yes, I just have one 2 years old daughter and sometimes I loose it and start crying….this job is hard but it is so blessed, too….just one day at a time…
Signature Mama
Hi, Mama Jenn and all of you other mamas out there who have all been there – haven’t we all? Thanks for the info on Creative Correction!
I used to hide my tears, but I don’t anymore – although I try to keep the drama in check. I think it is good for the kids to see that their actions effect others. It hurts my heart when my children act in ways that go against God’s loving path for our day. When they see that their choices cause others (especially Mama) to hurt, it gets their attention. I am not saying to cry over everything, but those times when it is just too hard to hold it in, maybe the crying will share the depth of how much you care.
Jenn, your children (and especially your daughter) are moved when you are hurting. What a valuable lesson for kids to learn – what we do effects others – both the good and the bad.
What better spouses, parents, and people they will be in the world!
Jennifer Lambert
Love this post that’s so REAL. I think it’s awesome and proof that you’re on the right parenting track that your daughter made you that card. Her heart is so sweet. I have had many days where I have cried over my 4 children’s behavior. It’s human! You’re a great mom and teacher and I love reading your blog and tot posts. Praying for y’all! Blessings!
~Jennifer
Angela
Boy am I there with you today! You are not alone! Fussy babies, grumpy tired mommy and our triplets decided to color on the walls! I have Creative Correction as well…I will go pull it out now! The letter to you is so priceless. It really is ok for our kids to see this side of us once in awhile! We need to be real with those closest to us!
Tam
I can totally relate with you, girl! As you said, being a parent is hard and I think being a Christian parent is even harder. We as Christians have a tendency to think we need to be perfect all of the time. But, we all know that is impossible and I think one of the greatest gifts we can give our children is a view of what being an authentic transparent Christian looks like. When we mess up (sin), we need to show our children the whole process of recognizing the sin, asking for forgiveness and then when we need to, asking forgiveness from someone else. There have been many times that I have lost it in front of my children and then went back to them and told then what I had done was wrong and told then I had to pray and ask forgiveness from God and then ask for their forgiveness too.
Sorry for the long comment, but this has been something that I’ve had to come to terms with too 🙂
Melissa
I’ve had days like yours – you’re not alone for sure! I’m going to check out the book you recommended. We need all the ammo we can get, to train up our children so they will follow the Lord.
P.S. You have a sweet daughter who cares very much about her mommy.
Kama
Sounds like your daughter’s love language is words of affirmation! 🙂 We are reading that book (5 Love Languages of Children) at church.
Jolanthe
You are SO not the only one. 🙂 Love her sweet letter to you…and I’ve gotten several of those myself. sigh.
Anonymous
Sweet letter! DD is an only child, so she is only left to argue, whine, etc. to dh and I. Drives me up the wall. Thanks for the discipline book tip!
richdavis1
Mama Jenn
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your stuggle…”God gives grace to the humble”…expect Him to move for/with you in your need. But my experience has been that it won’t be in a way that I am looking for or expect!
It’s very special that your daughter made such deliberate caring choices ..first she told you verbally…then she hugged you (showed you)….then she wrote you and even took the writing to the next level by making a card that had a “pop up” for the core message she wanted you to “get” from her. That is sooooo cool!
Really…I don’t know how many more ways she could have said this message to you than the ways she did. Man….wow.
I made a card for a great aunt (Myrd) that I wanted her to know that I loved and appreciated her. This was an epiphany moment for me to be able to look out beyond myself and see her great value enough that I would take action and make the card. I was around 17. I don’t even remember what I said to her….and forgot that I even had given her the note. Til many years later after she died, the family was going through her things and found a “special box” she kept a few things that meant alot to her. There was my card.
Perhaps you should put that card somewhere special….
Today while leaving the post office in my car, the Spirit impressed this phrase on my heart and I pass it on to you…”Pioneer something only you can do.” (I think daughter did this beautifully for you!)
Head up, now…walk on (with Jesus)…He’s with you!
LaToya
That made me cry, that is so sweet. I have been meaning to be more intentional about using scripture in correcting my boys. I need to go get my copy of Creative Correction it’s full of such great resources.
Michelle
Nope, you are not alone. And I am worse now that I am pregnant. But, I find that I find crying works better than yelling. 😉
jill
how sweet is she?!?! i cry and i only have one to deal with. don’t want to imagine it with more than one but we’ll see how that turns out in a few months.
Jessica @BeforeTheDawn
My two fight and argue constantly, I want to cry every day!
Kristin
Thank you so much for sharing this. Sometimes I think that we don’t want to share the “bad” stuff on our blogs because, seriously, who wants to read that?! But it is so encouraging, especially to me, to see that YES, other moms do go through these things too! I’m NOT alone!
I have been having a tough time as of late with my children – attitudes, fighting, etc. – so thank you for linking the Creative Correction. I’m also going to check into that.
I am always so inspired by what you write here and I’m very grateful to have found your blog. I have used many of your ideas in my own homeschool lessons, and I also voted for you. 🙂
Ticia
I’m with you on that book and the days like that.
The most applicable verse right now: 1 Peter 2:17; Show proper respect to everyone.
Usable in so many situations.
K-tribe
YES! I can so relate!!! I get pictures and stickers. So sweet our daughters can show empathy. I cry or yell because I don’t know what else to do in the moment. Figuring out what the heart issue is on certain issues becomes more complicated when I am thinking in the flesh and feel stressed. I find I am the one saying sorry to my kids for not addressing issues correctly. Parenting is hard work. I am glad God has given us Jesus! Amen? Amen!
Itsy Bitsy Learners
No. I sat on the end of my daughters bed last night crying with my head in my hands … I had been trying to put my girls to sleep for over an hour and I had been with them by myself for 14 hours already. It was not a good day … but today is a new one.
Sigalit Chana (Treasured Graciousness)
No sweetheart you are not the only one 😀 What a blessing in the quick repentance and making amends. And what a delightful surprise, a beautiful card.
We use For Instructions in Righteousness. I believe it is similar to what you are using. I need to use it more!
Thank you for your transparency.
Blessings!
Lainie
Oh Jenn! You are not alone… I just did it the other day! I had to take an emergency walk around the block 😀 Our day finished well but boy oh boy did it start out rough!
I am so glad your tender-hearted girl wrote you a note. My kids used to do that when they were small.
Now my daughter sends me an email!
Just last week I had to go back and watch two of my previous Midnight Chats to encourage myself and press on.
It’s November… November is hard.
So glad you are “equipping” yourself for the future.
{{{big hugs}}}
JuRita
Oh Jenn so precious! You are NOT alone.. my kids have done the same thing. Talk about humbling. I have a picture Elijah drew when he was four.. i was a stick figure with tears streaming out of my eyes. Even last week he left a note on my bed saying ” i am sorry mom” . Praise the Lord for his grace and the love our children give us. Thanks for sharing.
BTW: voted for you 😉
Orlandrea
That is so sweet of her. I only have one, but I can remember my mother crying when my sister and I would start arguing and she was fed up. We hated to see mommy crying.